My dear friend Whitney was in town the other week, and one of the things we talked quite a bit about was how Buddhism has helped her feel more at peace with life. She wrote a fantastic essay for this month’s Marie Claire about how she converted after being a life-long atheist. One of the key things Buddhists try to keep in mind: When someone does something that makes you feel bad, it’s rarely the case that his goal was to hurt you. Rather, he was trying to make himself feel good, or happy–or, at least, to minimize his own pain or discomfort as much as possible. Which is kind of a long way of saying: Don’t take it personally. Familiar as that might sound, it was good to hear what Whitney was explaining—so good that I decided to find out if there was some Buddhism guru out there who might have some tips about how to “stay Zen” while dating. So I did. And after I contacted him to ask if he had any insight into how to apply Buddhist ideas to dating, he wrote back to say:. I’m dating myself right now—and, oh, it’s miserable!
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Dating is not an easy affair. And if you are a spiritual person, dating can be even trickier. Finding someone who shares that same spiritual principles as you and who you feel is the right match, is a struggle.
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The Zen approach to dating is to cut through all the games, to be your authentic self and to be present and compassionate toward whoever is with you. We want all kinds of things from other people when we date them. We want love, acceptance, appreciation, understanding, confirmation, sex, commitment, money, security, healing, and on and on. We bring every want and need in our lives into our relationships.
In a dating situation it is a brand new relationship and so we play the game of pretending that we are complete, have lots to offer and need nothing. Playing that game is already taking something from the other person as we rely on them to support the fantasies we project about ourselves.
The Zen of Dating. Before God created , single people used to get fixed up by their friends. That way, in addition to romantic.
Send feedback. The Zen Love podcast is about dating, relating, and loving with purpose to become the best partner you can be. Finding joy in the journey and expanding your space to make room for ease, lightness, and possibility. New episodes drop Tuesdays. Available episodes. Jul 3, What should you do when the Law of Attraction doesn’t seem to be working in your dating life, you try to think positive but you feel stuck. Kiana and her special guest, Dr. Dharm ND, take a look what is blocking the Law of Attraction from working for you and what you can do to experience the flow of effortless attraction to find the One.
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This post details the lessons Joe has learned regarding male-female relationships. It attempts to fit dating into a Zen and Buddhist lifestyle. This post is more for me than it is for you.
The Zen Of Dating: A guide and tips in choosing the right online dating site, the common issues that can occur, the lies people tell when looking for love online.
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Three Bach Flowers to help you open yourself to others and not to be discouraged in the search for a new relationship. This site contains a significant amount of information. This is not a medical site. The exempted reflections, can never be a substitute for a consultation with a doctor or therapist that you return for your follow-up contact. Coming on stock. Use Composition Packing Bundle 3 flowers to open at the possibility of a meeting You want to meet someone and you invest in a new relationship, but you are sometimes discouraged e because you do not find someone they like or who you really dare to be yourself?
These 3 Bach flowers have been selected to help you to open yourselves to others: Crab Apple: the flower of self-confidence. It helps you to wear a watchful eye on yourself, because to be well with the other, he must first accept as we are. Beech: for being approachable and wear an indulgent look on others, not to be too critical.
Willow: the Bach flower reinforces optimism. She comes to your aid in times of discouragement, helps you see the glass half full. Use Dilute two drops of each flower in a glass of water and drink at regular intervals.
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Do you feel that your partner doesn’t get how you feel and is it difficult to share negative feelings with them. Read this article together and practice deeper and more conscious listening. Instead, we wanted our communication to be more heartfelt, conscious, and intentional.
Dating is not an easy affair. In today’s world it can be difficult to find someone that you connect with and who you actually want to spend your.
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The Zen approach to dating is to cut through all the games, to be your authentic self and to be present and compassionate toward whoever is.
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As Lindsay and her friend set out to investigate the dharma of online dating, Susan chimed with some ideas. In online dating, we are taking our vulnerable parts and putting it all out there for people who could be the flakiest people ever. How do we navigate that and not take it personally? There is no way to not take all of it personally. This is the most personal space, period.
If anyone is looking for a way to not be hurt by pain, I would say that the Buddhist view is not the place to look.
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A Buddhist Teacher’s Advice for Online Dating
We mere mortals may not have what it takes to practice 10, hours in order to achieve success, as Malcolm Gladwell advises in his best-selling book Outliers. But every skill in life — from playing piano or golf to ripping off billions meant for charity — does require intense training. Same with the Buddhist equanimity practice, which instructs you to sit silently and say to yourself, over and over, a single phrase: “No matter how much I wish they were different, things are just the way they are.
This is meant to engender a feeling of acceptance, and sometimes it works–or at least helps take the edge off what’s bothering you. I only wish I’d known about it when I was dating.
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We all know that dating like life is full of ups, downs and rejection. My first book, Dating from the Inside Out , teaches singles to view dating as a spiritual journey. For this article, I thought it would be fun to apply some Zen Buddhist principles to the art of becoming a peaceful date. So, here are 10 of these principles as they apply to Zen dating! Just enjoy the moment and have fun the first few months.
Be here now. We want them to be who we imagine they are. To be a Zen dater you must accept things as they are and learn to work with what is. You may be picking unavailable men or men who are overly critical. Learn your pattern to discover how you sabotage yourself and maintain your suffering through unconscious dating. You can do this by completing the exercises in my first book, Dating from the Inside Out.
In the meantime, he is not riled up by outer circumstances.